5X7 Pane of Glass

5X7 Pane of Glass
What would it be like to live in a world where your only means of seeing the outside was a 5x7 foot pane of glass?..How would it feel, to know that there are people out there, laughing, playing, crying and yes even dying and you would never be part of it? There are no locks on the doors, no guards posted outside to keep you in, yet you only have that 5x7 foot pane of glass to look through. You never leave and you never experience anything outside of it.

This is your prison, your way of life, and your world. You say it couldn’t happen. Not me, I love life too much to be cooped up. You might say that you couldn’t imagine not being able to go out for a walk, to see a movie or sit at a restaurant for a nice meal. But it happens. It happens to people all over the world and frankly I believe there are those that will never be known. People who have just disappeared from society, family and friends and now live behind a 5x7 pane of glass, if they are lucky enough to even have that. It’s called Agorophobia: the fear of leaving one’s home/safe place.

I have no idea how many people are effected by this Social Panic Disorder but I can tell you that finding help for one who is afflicted by it, is down right impossible. How do I know this? Do I suffer with it? No, not me, but I will explain.

I know of someone that has this disorder to the point of not being able to get her to leave her home for almost three years now. She was a woman that while I was growing up was so vibrant, so full of life and fun. A woman that made sure that if the Ice Capades came to town, she would make sure her kids got to go, a woman that loved to make trips to the Zoo and walk through the animal houses for hours on end. She was a woman that was active in the Church. These are the images I remember from my childhood. You see this woman is my Mother.

They say 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful thing. You can look back and see when things began. I can, and have, looked back and see now the warning signs of this disorder’s onset. I can remember the sudden canceling of things she would normally look forward to doing. And I remember the day she ran home from Church in such a panic we all thought she was having a heart attack. And I remember the nights she would cry alone in the dark, thinking she was going crazy. I also remember the relief she felt the day I told her that I had found a name to her problem and that she wasn’t insane.

It’s bad enough that this can strike anyone at anytime. But what is worse is that to get help for those in the full grip of this disorder is sometimes impossible. I have for the past seven years lived with my mother and have fought to get her any kind of help. From the simplest (or one would think) of getting her set up with a disability, to trying to keep food benefits coming into the household so that she could eat healthy.

As I said earlier, people with Agorophobia will not leave their home/safe place. They are terrified sometimes by what they believe could happen. Some can’t even tell you what they are afraid of, only that they cannot step foot over the threshold. This is where all the problems with government agencies who are supposed to help, fail these people. Each Agency wants medical records. Medical records? I wonder what part of “They don’t leave their homes/safe places” these people do not understand.

In a world where medical “house calls” are no longer available, most of these people seldom if ever see a physician. They count on friends and family to bring them food, to run errands and to speak for them in the world outside the 5x7 pane of glass.

So what happens to them?

Well in my mother’s case, she has one of my brothers and myself. Neither of us married and we both have moved in with her. My brother works a low paying job that takes care of the rent and bills. I have had to give up working to help her with her physical needs due to severe arthritis. We are on food benefits but each time I have to go back and renew I have to go over the same questions with the social worker. I have to again explain what it is she has and that “She doesn’t leave the house.”

And I get the same thing over and over. If I would just bring in her medical records, they might be able to do more.

Blink. Blink. Stare.

What part of “she doesn’t leave her house” do these people not understand? There are no medical records.

I guess what upsets me the most is I know that my mother is not the only one that suffers with this disorder. I know there is those that are living in small rooms, with boxes stacked everywhere, possibly in filth. I wonder how many of these older people found dead among collections of old newspaper, the person that no one knew, or thought was crazy, how many actually suffered from Agorophobia. How many had no one to fight for them, to go out for them, to simply care for them.

It is for my mother and those that are helpless that I continue my fight. That I continue to put my own life on the back burner in order to bring to life just how it must feel to live with only a 5x7 pane of glass between you and the world.

posted by devisun @ 5:37 AM

found on one of the forums I belong too.

Posted to Craig's List Personals:

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in
Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 A M EST

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I
hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after
you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had
just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for Christmas,
and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening.
Beautiful pistol, eh?

It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at
your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun
walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge
flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you
also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I
couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try
to mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma"
as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas
station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy
with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.

I threw the wallet
in a fancy pink pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the
windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a
bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your
bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down
the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so
I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't
permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening
phone calls to the D A 's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy
was really ****ed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number)..

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead
making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky..

- Alex

P.S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society!

__________________

Here's A Gun, Now Go Back And Play. (a Rant Of Sorts)

A child comes to you with tales of how they are being bullied on the playground. You give the child a loaded gun and a brief lesson on how to use it and send him on his way.

You are in a hospital waiting room and someone comes up to you and tells you their ailment and how much they wish they could get better. You tell them of herbs and other alternative treatments and watch as they leave the hospital to follow your instructions.

You say you would never do things like this? Never give a loaded gun to a child or tell a sick person that they need to leave and not see a doctor? I say you have. I say I have seen you do it over an over. I have cringed when the words were said and try as I might to gently guide the soul back to what they need to do, you have said I was foolish and didn't know what I was talking about.

Call me old and senile now and get it over with. Go on, it would hurt my feelings.

Got it out of your system? Good.

Now I'll explain.

Listen carefully because I'll never use what I am about to tell you in any post, note, letter or IM. These are things that I know about myself and do not need to boast in order to get my point across.

I am a Witch.
I am Pagan.
I am an almost 50 year old Crone.
I have practiced both dark and good magic.
I have reaped in both cases what I have sown.
I have had more students than I care to keep count of. Some have loved me and some have hated me but all have done as I told them too and I am proud of every one of them.
I have studied and am in good standing with holy people from various faiths such as Santeria, Voodun, Buddhism, Christianity and more. What I don't know, I go to these fine individuals to seek answers to my questions.
My word is not the law. My word works for myself.
I speak from only experience and always from my heart.

Now, if I've forgotten anything, I'm sorry and I'll address those issues as the time and need comes.

Now on to the above statements.

Too many times I've seen and read requests for help in some spiritual matter. And too many times I've seen spells, rituals and very bad advice given to those seeking help. Sometimes those answer are really not anything to be worried about, a minor spell or such that could cause very little damage if done wrong.

But then there are those that offer, either online or in private very strong and powerful rituals/spells to someone they know nothing about. They don't know the faith/path the person is walking but feels it is proper to give them something that should only be carried out by an experienced soul. They become defensive and sometime lie about their state in life to make them sound like they know what they are talking about.

In a nutshell, they are telling that ten year old boy how to use a gun on the playground if the bully returns. They will be just as responsible for anything that goes wrong, just as though they had cast that spell/ritual themselves.

You can't properly help a person with just a request, or one post. No matter how much you want to, there are questions that should be asked. There are mundane things that should be tried. There are proper people to be approached before running to a website and posting to a bunch of strangers. As much as you would like to help that person, you can't without all the facts, and not just one side of the story.

To do so is dangerous and unethical.

Sylvia Brown, John Edwards And All Those Other Shiny People

There is an always will be an ongoing debate on whether it is ethical for a psychic to charge or not charge for their services. That is not the purpose of this entry. We can debate this particular subject till the cows come home and everyone will still have their own thoughts and convictions about it.

So with that out of the way, I guess you could ask where in the world my mind is going this morning. My answer would be all over the place, but it seems to want to hang around the subject of psychics at the moment.

So here goes nothing.

All my life I have been interested in those who supposedly talk to the dead. I really needed to believe I wasn't the only one. That I wasn't a freak because I carried on lengthy conversations with those family members who had passed on years before I was born. Growing up, I didn't know a word for this thing that I had. I just needed not to feel that I was odd or the freak.

Growing up my movies of choice were horrors, I would spend every week watching programs like Outer Limits, Night Gallery and Twilight Zone just to see people who sometimes could do what I could.

Anyway, lets fast forward for a few years. A time where my gifts were growing stronger and a time where I didn't know how to control them or use them well. In walks Sylvia Browne (well not literally, but on the television). I'm blown away. Here was a woman that seemed to do what I did. See things. Not just spirits but little glimpses of the future. I start watching her every chance I get. (Easy because my Mother loves her.)

Then comes John Edwards. Another person, doing what I do but differently that Brown. And then one after another I am introduced to others with the same gift.

So I get to thinking, studying and asking questions. I listen, practice and listen again.

So here is what I have come up with. Might be a bit confusing, but I'll try to keep my thought patters in some kind of cohesive order.

During the time I first saw Browne, I was attending a Spiritual Center where they had public and private psychic readings on a regular basis, at least two a week. During the time the psychic was reading, I would be sitting in the back, taking notes. Usually they were talking to the person that wanted the reading and gave a love offering. Thing is, nine times out of ten the reading, or at least one aspect of the reading would actually be meant for me. Sometimes I would stand and say something, other times I would just quietly continue taking notes.

That said, it wasn't long before I began to study under the Spiritual Center's leader to hone my abilities and how not to be bombarded at all hours of the day. I began giving my own readings during Public time and sometimes took on a private reading. As far as I know, the center still has many of the confirmation letters from those I read for, about what I hit on perfectly and what didn't happen.

I began to wonder, if I could hit on so many things right, why did I hit on some things totally wrong. I didn't want to be giving anyone any bad information or useless thoughts. So I began to study and ask questions again. Not only of the Spiritual Center's leader, but other psychics and clergy from other faiths.

I have settled on a theory that seems sound to me. One that I can live with for myself, and use with other psychics.

1. Even psychics are human. We get things wrong or misunderstand what is being shown or seen.

2. Time and the future is not set in stone. There are so many tiny decision we make, maybe not thinking they are going to have much of an impact but indeed with change whole sections of not only our future but the future of those that might be associated with us in some way.

3. Choices and Free will can and sometimes negates entire readings.

Because of this realization (for myself of course) I refuse to believe that Sylvia Browne, John Edwards and all those other Shiny People out there are fakes. Maybe they don't hit on things everytime. Maybe they get something wrong or just misinterpret the message being given. Last time I checked they were still human and still make mistakes.

So, I'll continue to listen to what they are saying, but take it with the knowledge that they might be wrong. Who knows, they might be right.

I will continue to work with my own gifts and give a reading when I sense it is needed.

And sometimes I will be wrong as well.

Pagan's View of 911

Where were the Gods??

All the Gods were terribly busy during the evening of September 10, 2001. They sent feelings of foreboding to many people, and for some they sent minor illnesses that prevented them from wanting to go to work, or to take that flight the next morning. For those who persisted in spite of bad feelings and upset tummies or headaches, the Gods worked on through the early hours of the morning, setting up traffic snarls, and delaying mass transit. They caused forgetfulness and arguments that delayed many more people from reaching their flights on time, or getting to work during the crucial minutes that could have taken their lives.

The World Trade Center normally has over 50,000 people in it. Less than 20,000 actually showed up for work on time that day, ignoring or oblivious to all the signs the Gods put in their way. The airplanes had seating for more than a 1,000 people each; quite a few seats were empty on all four flights that day. The Gods rode those airplanes, standing ready to support their people. Mars and Athena, Thor and the Morrigan soothed anxieties, and instilled the people with courage to meet their fate bravely.

Those who chose to fight (it could have been ALL of the passengers, for all we know - and that's what I choose to believe), the Gods stood by them, offering them support and channeling away their fears. Valkyries escorted the flights to their destinations to help the Gods lift the souls at just the right time to the afterlife of their beliefs. When the planes struck the towers and the Pentagon, the Gods were there, striking fear into those who had time to flee so they would run faster, and cradling the spirits of the ones who died.

They sat beside the wounded, soothing them until rescue came - and urging the rescuers to hurry. When the planes struck the towers in New York City, the buildings did not collapse immediately. They stood tall and trembling, held up by the hands of many Gods so as many people as possible could evacuate the buildings -not just the towers, but the buildings nearby, too. When the towers were so fragile the Gods had to let go, they pushed the walls inward, so the towers didn't fall across the city and cause even greater damage. They collapsed neatly in on themselves in as small a space as they could. And when the damage to the Pentagon and the towers was done, the Gods spent time supporting each rescue worker and volunteer as they tackled the grizzly backbreaking work of searching for the wounded and retrieving the dead, giving them strength and determination, keeping despair at bay. Other Gods, among them powerful Quetzalcoatl and loving Amaterasu and tender Glioca, cherished the shocked souls of the citizens of the two cities, giving them the courage to face another day in a ravaged city, the courage to go back to work, the courage to smile again. And still other compassionate Gods: Kuan Yin, Krishna, Demeter, Hera, Buddha and the Jade Emperor of Heaven, guarded the wounded souls of the friends and families who searched for and waited for word of their missing loved ones, ready to support them through the grief when they learned it was their loved one who was dead, and cheering with them when one was found alive.

All around the country, the Gods rallied to their people, sending power to heal the spiritual wounds to those who had the knowledge and desire to use that power. Prayer circles and healing circles dotted the land, candles burned on shelves, and bonfires blazed in tribute to the fallen, and in praise of the living. Love, love from the peopleand love from the Gods, were balm to the wounded heart of the land.

Only a tithing of those who should have died that terrible day did. Each person who died paid the price of life for their coworkers and fellow travellers. What the Gods planned is unknown to me, but I know each soul was tenderly cherished as it left it's body. The Gods were terribly busy then. And they are busy still. Pause and feel the power of the Gods thrumming through the air. Hear the words of the Gods through the voices of their people. See the work of the Gods all about you. The power of the gods is in you and of you - and you are not alone.

Author Unknown